More to Life

LAX 06

2006-06-27T10:57:00.000-07:00

i know how it is to sit down and read 800 pages on something when it could simply be explained.
but that's not the case here. i can't put it into words. this trip was amazing for me. yes there was frustration, anger, sadness. but it was so much more than that!
if you really want, you need to just sit down and talk with me about this trip. chances are it'd take you three hours to read if i just posted here....everything.
God was in this trip, there is not a single doubt about that! and James' leadership on this trip exceeded expectations. he did an excellent job. along with aaron, heather, tiesha, russel, steve, kathy, and my very own sleeping buddy Mandy.

it was just an amazing trip. i'll post more later....

THERE'S A HOLE IN MY LIP!!!!!

2006-06-27T10:55:00.000-07:00

yeah that's right. i got my lip pierced. did it hurt? of coarse not. and by that i mean yes.

no it really wasn't bad. it's the next day and i'm feelin it. (mainly because it's swollen and if you've ever seen me you know that my lips look permantly swollen, so the fact that they're even more swollen says something.)

my plan is to wear a small diamond stud in the place of what now looks like the ring that roatates saturn. haha.

but i'm way excited to have gotten a new piercing.....

and if you're thinking "this is too much on lacy's face..." you're wrong. i lost my nose percing in cali. i know how you feel i was upset too. but in any case it had to be replaced. and the nose ring was too much of a pain to begin with so......it's the lip.

Prom in College....

2006-06-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

so phagan's had a prom. of course this doesn't mean that we just hang out and dance all day. it means we work in prom attire. so of course anyone who's seen me at a prom i went ALL OUT! it was awesome. i wore my senior prom dress from last year. the huge purple one. and did my hair and make-up. the whole sha-bang.(you should have seen me drive in it....haha)
so we worked all day sweating to death and lookin good. then it came time to cast in the votes. who will it be? desiree g, whitney d, whitney g, anna p, or myself. (they all had black on. weird) and then for king. jade. jade is a girl, yes it's true. however, she wore a t-shirt that had a suit vest and tie on it with black slacks. and neither one of our actual boys dressed up so coincidently jade won king.
AND THE WINNER OF PROM QUEEN PHAGAN'S 2005-2006 IS...........LACY FREAKIN FOX.
haha. yeah so i'm the prom queen of the ghetto beauty college that is my life. what an accomplishment. in any case, it was fun to jump around and look pretty.
the king and queen dance was funny because 1...i couldnt get jade to dance in front of everyone so i dragged her to the floor. and 2...she wouldn't dance so i drug her in circles around me. (and she's shorter than i so that was great.
today was a good day.

"Lord Jesus Christ. Have mercy on me, a sinner."

takin it easy...

2006-06-01T20:01:00.000-07:00

i stayed home from school today....well i went for 45 minutes and then drove home. i'm tired. worn out. so i took it easy. well at least that's what i planned.
but....when i got home i put the key in the lock, unlocked it, opened the door and went in. then i couldn't get the key out of the lock. like it wouldn't come out. i fought and fought and fought. then just said screw it. i'll just leave it in there. (at this point i was just tired and wanted to go to bed).
so i go in and lay down only to realize that i needed to run down to the church. CRAP!
back to the door. i still can't get the key out. so i'm like okay i'll just leave it in there and lock the dead bolt(two different keys). so i lock the dead bolt. it won't come out either. for the love.
so i unlock the dead bolt and push the door open. something triggers the lock when i go in and shut the door because now i can't get out. so i'm pulling and pulling and it won't unlock from the inside because the key is jammed on the other side. so now i'm locked inside and VERY frustrated.
so i proceed to climb out the window and push the door open. why this will happen from the outside and not the inside is beyond me. so here i am. outside with both keys jammed in their locks but none of them actually locked.
i leave. i said screw it i'm going to get luke to come and put in a new door knob. so i go get luke. and we're gonna go to the store. he says just let me go to the house and try. i'm like i've been at the door for 2 plus hours you're not gonna get it. but whatever. i take him over.
HE PULLS THE KEYS STRAIGHT OUT OF THE LOCK!!!! at this point im looking for a gun to shoot myself in the knee cap. i was so mad.
so i took luke home. get back to the house to get to sleep.
and got woken up about 1 1/2 later.
there is no down time for me. i need to stop tryin....

lacy's talk....

2006-05-31T21:45:00.000-07:00

gggrrrrr....that's all.....just grrr....

"Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. a sinner"

I moved out.....YO!

2006-05-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

so i moved out. i packed my stuff and i moved out. across town. in a bright green house off of queen. i love it. i'm renting a room from a friend. well sorta. but it's good.

you never realize how much crap you have until you have to pack it ALL up and move it by yourself. i tell ya....if i had just a pinch less patience (seeing as i don't have much anyways) i would have chucked a lot of it. there's just so much.

i've been her just over a week and i'm still not unpacked. at all. everything is still in boxes. i moved two days last week then had church another, work the next, and left for the invert trip 06 on friday and was gone until monday afternoon. so it's still in boxes. i'll unpack this week.

MEDITATION IS AMAZING!?!?!?!

ONE YEAR LATER.....

2006-04-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

so i'm sure no one has been keeping up with my blog because it's been over a year since my last post. that's awesome.

since april of 05. i have: graduated, started beauty college at phagan's (not to be confused with fag-ans) cosmetology college. and began an internship with south albany community church alongside aaron swank.

the bible says your body is a temple. i'm decorating mine. i have two tatoos. a tribal and cross on the top of my foot. and a dove and cross on the back of my neck. i'm adding hebrew writtings to the right side of my back. exciting. (and painful)

i finish beauty college november of this year. and will start lbcc in spring or fall of 07. following a year at lbcc takes me to bible college. i'm excited. i haven't yet chosen my bible college so don't bother asking.

i've learned much this last year. none of which i wish to share.....for now.

DANG IT!

2005-04-11T09:06:00.000-07:00

so i opened a myspace to see what all the fuss is about. but i changed computers cause mine was suckin it up pretty bad but this computer has a blocker on it for websites and myspace is rated as a adult nudity site. WHAT?!?!?! that sucks so i won't be posting there anymore i guess!

Went to aquire the fire this weekend and it was awesome. made some commitments that im working on completeing. the speakers were great. the first day when i went it seemed so fake and advertising to me. im not sure why. but it was frustrating because i was so excited to be there. so i prayed about it and im pretty sure it was the attitude i went in with. but the second day rocked. even though i could have fallin asleep and not woken up for 10 days. i was so tired. but i didn't sleep at all. i stayed awake and listened. the second day that we were there really made a difference in me. im excited to see that when james calls me in a month and asks me if this or that has happened i can say yeah. or at least that i've worked on it and its gotten better.

i learned a lot this weekend. it was awesome!

SURPRISE!!!!

2005-01-22T22:21:00.000-08:00

i went to the church for worship team practice....turned out theresa (my BFF) put together a surprise party for my 18th and i had no idea. but she talked me into getting ready and "looking good" because we're were gonna "go get ice cream after practice" now thats a friend. throwin a party and knows you would have come in your pj's s she makes something up so you look good for the million pics that are taken. I LOVE YOU T!
my mom wasn't there. she said theresa didn't comfirm with her. i wish she had been.
i wanna move in with my grandma when i turn 18. shes made it known she wants me there and i want to but....there's hesitation.
my actual b-day is this friday (the 28th) im getting tatoos and going to a worship team thing in salem. my mom's comment was..."im glad the church is doing what they want with you for your birthday". thing i is don't have to go i WANT to go. so who knows what'll happen.
well gotta go me meg and kyle are watchin the forgotten......PEACE

2005-01-15T10:53:00.000-08:00

my life.surprise,surprise, is full of clutter. i need a new job. my mom is thinking of moving to texas, which has become a huge thing for me. i don't think she should go. she wants to because she doesn't want to be alone because johnny has new jobs far away but if she moves she'll really be alone because she doesn't know anyone in texas. at least me and luke will be here after school and what not. i think she needs to reconsider.
im graduating this year. I CAN'T WAIT!! i am so excited. i turned in my english work to consortium yesturday. this means im completely caught up. no more stress about school other than keeping up what im doing! im doing good passing all my classes! YAY!
im going to valentines with Emmanuel. which'll be fun! i was a complete idiot in asking though it was funny.
my small group rocks! i love them. i totally learn from them just as much if not more than they learn from me. i love having a relationship with them. they trust me and i love it. i don't favor any of them but Brianna and i have come really close and i think its cause we sing together in choir in the same section so we talk a lot. but i love getting to know them and "helping" them. i love it. its great.
end note: im satisfied!

things you'd never know....until someone told you!

2004-11-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

Butterflies taste with their feet.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the
world's nuclear weapons combined.

On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

It's possible to lead a cow upstairs ... but not downstairs.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.

The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year
because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the
weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

A snail can sleep for three years..

No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."

Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears
never stop growing. SCARY!!!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

All polar bears are left-handed.

In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,
including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only
on one row of the keyboard.

"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33.
She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

Almost everyone who reads this email will try to lick their elbow.

Don't forget to pass these weird facts on to everyone you know.
They will get a kick out of it !!

You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?

Hope you Liked it! And I hope someone see's you tring to lick your elbow!

2004-11-11T09:52:00.000-08:00

i haven't written anything in a long time because my parents took my internet away when i switched rooms. oh yeah, i switched rooms and more people moved into my house. now there is, luke, ashley, amber, my mom, johnny, angela, keegan and me. and most of the time matt and ashley. are you kidding me thats a lot of people.
i was grounded last weekend and almost disappeared ggrrr.... i have detention on tuesday....bummer!!!
spent the night at connies last night with theresa (of course) jennifer and amanda cindy was gonna come but shes sick!:( but we had fun well we had plans to stay up all night long but we started a movie and crashed. then when it was over they woke me up then wanted to go to sleep ad i was like what? those turkeys!
i was supposed to go to the parade today but didn't because i wasn't interested in humiliating my dad....sorry! but i do plan on visiting him before he leaves....I HOPE!

banging your head against the wall....

2004-10-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

sometimes you just feel like banging your head against a wall...well instead of banging my head (fear of leaving a big fat mark on my forehead or something) i punched it....walls are not soft! nor are they "slightly hard" im pretty sure my walls are made of cement cause im pretty sure i broke my hand....hahaha just kidding it wasn't that bad but it did hurt. i was getting frustrated because i had to write up a report for my step-dad(im a sec.) in black ink....black ink doesn't erase when you mess up you just have to start over again.....so i started over again....and again.....and again...etc. people say you have two decisions in every situation in this case i could have either gotten made or just delt with it was consentrated harded....well i chose to do a bit of both....i concenstrated real hard a making a mark on the wall rather than my body....hahaha im kidding i wasn't that mad...but the whole thing was bad....just not my day i guess.....
man a person could spend a whole lifetime waiting for "myday" im pretty sure it won't come....not till i die anyways....or move which ever comes first! hahaha

ok well im off to bed...i won't be in first period because of all this tonight....but ill get back to you tomorrow with encouraging words....

hey strangers...its been a while!

2004-10-07T15:21:00.000-07:00

keegan is back and im lovin it but im not so happy with the added package. there are just too many people living in my house and im not sure that im doing a very good job with dealing with it. i just try not to interact with it. the whole thing stresses everyone out but most important of all my mom....shes freakin out! and its never a good thing.
i love my small group its awesome. its just good. i love wednesday nights but im having some issues....ill get over it.
thats my new thing....ill get over it. why dwell...just get over it! haha
i was readin the yellobhib today....its crazy how i always read about my life, or a way to "get out". God is good. im never out because in my position its not exactly possible but....you know!?!?
ok well im out me and theresa are watching law and order...and theres only one reason why we watch law and order....hahah!

2004-09-20T15:31:00.000-07:00

wednesday was bad i went to church and fell. yeah fell. wasn't doing anything special. jumped landed wrong and totally biffed it! it was great. so i tore some legiments. i had try-outs on friday that didn't work! but i called sarah (dance coach) and she told me that i could try-out when i was fixed. its all good!
Last night we had small groups.....Toni and i lead the freshman and a couple sophomore girls....GOD IS GOOD!!!

TRY-OUTS!!!

2004-09-13T15:11:00.000-07:00

i start dancing tomorrow....YAY! im so excited....i haven't danced for a team in a long time....well come to think of it i've never danced for a school team ever....only in the studio....crazy! but to say the least im excited! i love to dance...and if i don't make the team....no big deal...(haha thats what i say now....wait and see what really happens if i don't make the team. :) )

SO WISH ME LUCK!!!!

GRADUATION.....

2004-09-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

everyone come to my graduation.....cause im graduating. i went and met with my counselor today and entered his room almost in tears afraid he was gonna tell me that i can't graduate in time this year...HA! i thought wrong. if all goes well, which im being held accountable for, next semester i will only need one credit to graduate. that is if they do decide to drop the credits to 24...if not i need 3....still awesome....so monday i will make the decision of whether or not im taking a couples classes at consortium....i think i might anyways just so i don't have to stress....IM SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. i might be playing bass for our youth alive worship band...and im joining dance team...well im tryin out....i was gonna sign up for speech and debate but my schedule is filling up!! Plus im in the middle of planning for graduation.....HAHAHAHA!

2004-09-07T20:57:00.000-07:00

WHOS IDEA WAS IT TO DO THIS TO MY HAIR!?!?!?! WHOEVER IT WAS, WE ARE, IF WE WERE, NO LONGER FRIENDS!!

A FOOL SAYS IN HIS HEART, THERE IS NO GOD!

2004-09-07T10:45:00.000-07:00

Atheist Holiday

Hooray For That Judge In Florida, an atheist became incensed over the preparation for Easter and Passover holidays and decided to contact the local ACLU about the discrimination inflicted on atheists by the constant celebrations afforded to Christians and Jews with all their holidays while the atheists had no holiday to celebrate. The ACLU jumped on the opportunity to once again pick up the cause of the godless and assigned their sharpest attorneys to the case. The case was brought before a wise judge who after listening to the long, passionate presentation of the ACLU lawyers, promptly banged his gavel and declared, "Case dismissed!" The lead ACLU lawyer immediately stood and objected to the ruling and said, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? Surely the Christians have Christmas, Easter and many other observances. And the Jews--why in addition to Passover they have Yom Kippur and Hanukkah ... and yet my client and all other atheists have no such holiday!" The judge leaned forward in his chair and simply said, "Obviously yourclient is too confused to know about or for that matter even celebrate> the atheists' holiday!" The ACLU lawyer pompously said "We are aware of no such holiday for> atheists, just when might that be, your honor?" The judge said, "Well, it comes every year on exactly the same date---April 1st!"
"The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God. -Psalm 14:1, Psalm 53:1

HOORAY FOR THAT JUDGE

think about it...

2004-09-07T10:44:00.000-07:00

There was a certain Professor of Religion named Dr. Christianson, a studious man who taught at a small college in the Western United States. Dr. Christianson taught the required survey course in Christianity at this particular institution. Every student was required to take this course his or her freshman year regardless of his or her major. Although Dr. Christianson tried hard to communicate the essence of the gospel in his class, he found that most of his students looked upon the course as nothing but required drudgery. Despite his best efforts, most students refused to take Christianity seriously. This year, Dr. Christianson had a special student named Steve. Steve was only a freshman, but was studying with the intent of going onto seminary for the ministry. Steve was popular, he was well liked, and he was an imposing physical specimen. He was now the starting center on the school football team, and was the best student in the professor's class. One day, Dr. Christianson asked Steve to stay after class so he could talk with him. "How many push-ups can you do?" Steve said, "I do about 200 every night." "200? That's pretty good, Steve," Dr. Christianson said. "Do you think you could do 300?" Steve replied, "I don't know... I've never done 300 at a time." "Do you think you could?" again asked Dr. Christianson. "Well, I can try," said Steve. "Can you do 300 in sets of 10? I have a class project in mind and I need you to do about 300 push-ups in sets of ten for this to work. Can you do it? I need you to tell me you can do it," said the professor. Steve said, "Well... I think I can...yeah, I can do it." Dr. Christianson said, "Good! I need you to do this on Friday. Let me explain what I have in mind." Friday came and Steve got to class early and sat in the front of the room. When class started, the professor pulled out a big box of donuts. No these weren't the normal kinds of donuts, they were the extra fancy BIG kind, with cream centers and frosting swirls. Everyone was pretty excited it was Friday, the last class of the day, and they were going to get an early start on the weekend with a party in Dr. Christianson's class. Dr. Christianson went to the first girl in the first row and asked, "Cynthia, do you want to have one of these donuts?" Cynthia said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Cynthia can have a donut?" "Sure." Steve jumped down from his desk to do a quick ten. Then
Steve again sat in his desk. Dr. Christianson put a donut on Cynthia's desk. Dr. Christianson then went to Joe, the next person, and asked, "Joe, do you want a donut?" Joe said, "Yes." Dr. Christianson asked, "Steve would you do ten push-ups so Joe can have a donut?" Steve did ten push-ups, Joe got a donut. And so it went, down the first aisle, Steve did ten pushups for every person before they got their donut. And down the second aisle, till Dr. Christianson came to Scott. Scott was on the basketball team, and in as good condition as Steve. He was very popular and never lacking for female companionship. When the professor asked, "Scott do you want a donut?" Scott's reply was, "Well, can I do my own pushups?" Dr. Christianson said, "No, Steve has to do them." Then Scott said, "Well, I don't want one then." Dr. Christianson shrugged and then turned to Steve and asked, "Steve, would you do ten pushups so Scott can have a donut he doesn't want?" With perfect obedience Steve started to do ten pushups. Scott said, "HEY! I said I didn't want one!" Dr. Christianson said, "Look, this is my classroom, my class, my desks, and these are my donuts. Just leave it on the desk if you don't want it." And he put a donut on Scott's desk. Now by this time, Steve had begun to slow down a little. He just stayed on the floor between sets because it took too much effort to be getting up and down. You could start to see a little perspiration coming out around his brow. Dr. Christianson started down the third row. Now the students were beginning to get a little angry.
Dr. Christianson asked Jenny, "Jenny, do you want a donut?" Sternly, Jenny said, "No." Then Dr. Christianson asked Steve, "Steve, would you do ten more Push-ups so Jenny can have a donut that she doesn't want?" Steve did ten....Jenny got a donut. By now, a growing sense of uneasiness filled the room. The students were beginning to say "No" and there were all these uneaten donuts on the desks. Steve also had to really put forth a lot of extra effort to get these pushups done for each donut. There began to be a small pool of sweat on the floor beneath his face, his arms and brow were beginning to get red because of the physical effort involved. Dr. Christianson asked Robert, who was the most vocal unbeliever in the class, to watch Steve do each push up to make sure he did the full ten pushups in a set because he couldn't bear to watch all of Steve's work for all of those uneaten donuts. He sent Robert over to where Steve was so Robert could count the set and watch Steve closely. Dr. Christianson started down the fourth row. During his class, however, some students from other classes had wandered in and sat down on the steps along the radiators that ran down the sides of the room. When the professor realized this, he did a quick count and saw that now there were 34 students in the room. He started to worry if Steve would be able to make it. Dr. Christianson went on to the next person and the next and the next. Near the end of that row, Steve was really having a rough time. He was taking a lot more time to complete each set. Steve asked Dr. Christianson, "Do I have to make my nose touch on each one?" Dr. Christianson thought for a moment, "Well, they're your pushups. You are in charge now. You can do them any way that you want." And Dr. Christianson went on. A few moments later, Jason, a recent transfer student, came to the room and was about to come in when all the students yelled in one voice, "NO! Don't come in! Stay out!" Jason didn't know what was going on. Steve picked up his head and said, "No, let him come." Professor Christianson said, "You realize that if Jason comes in you will have to do ten pushups for him?" Steve said, "Yes, let him come in. Give him a donut" Dr. Christianson said, "Okay, Steve, I'll let you get Jason's out of the way right now. Jason, do you want a donut?" Jason, new to the room hardly knew what was going on. "Yes," he said, "give me a donut." "Steve, will you do ten push-ups so that Jason can have a donut?" Steve did ten pushups very slowly and with great effort. Jason, bewildered, was handed a donut and sat down. Dr. Christianson finished the fourth row, then started on those visitors seated by the heaters. Steve's arms were now shaking with each push-up in a struggle to lift himself against the force of gravity. Sweat was profusely dropping off of his face and, by this time, there was no sound except his heavy breathing, there was not a dry eye in the room. The very last two students in the room were two young women, both cheerleaders, and very popular. Dr. Christianson went to Linda, the second to last, and asked, "Linda, do you want a doughnut?" Linda said, very sadly, "No, thank you." Professor Christianson quietly asked, "Steve, would you do ten push-ups so that Linda can have a donut she doesn't want?" Grunting from the effort, Steve did ten very slow pushups for Linda. Then Dr. Christianson turned to the last girl, Susan. "Susan, do you want a donut?" Susan, with tears flowing down her face, began to cry. "Dr. Christianson, why can't I help him?" Dr. Christianson, with tears of his own, said, "No, Steve has to do it alone, I have given him this task and he is in charge of seeing that everyone has an opportunity for a donut whether they want it or not. When I decided to have a party this last day of class, I looked at my grade book. Steve, here is the only student with a perfect grade. Everyone else has failed a test, skipped class, or offered me inferior work. Steve told me that in football practice, when a player messes up he must do push-ups. I told Steve that none of you could come to my party unless he paid the price by doing your push ups. He and I made a deal for your sakes. Steve, would you do ten push-ups so Susan can have a donut?" As Steve very slowly finished his last pushup, with the understanding that he had accomplished all that was required of him, having done 350 pushups, his arms buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor.
Dr. Christianson turned to the room and said. "And so it was, that our Savior, Jesus Christ, on the cross, plead to the Father, 'into thy hands I commend my spirit.' With the understanding that He had done everything that was required of Him, he yielded up His life. And like some of those in this room, many of us leave the gift on the desk, uneaten." Two students helped Steve up off the floor and to a seat, physically exhausted, but wearing a thin smile. "Well done, good and faithful servant," said the professor, adding "Not all sermons are preached in words." Turning to his class the professor said, "My wish is that you might understand and fully comprehend all the riches of grace and mercy that have been given to you through the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. He spared not only His Begotten Son, but gave Him up for us all for the whole Church, now and forever. Whether or not we choose to accept His gift to us, the price has been paid. Wouldn't you be foolish and ungrateful to leave it laying on the desk?"

SENIOR PICTURES/ AIRFORCE

2004-09-03T16:40:00.000-07:00

what a fun time that was...i won't be offended if you don't want any cause they look like crap....i understand.
luke dressed up as a cowboy for most of his pictures....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? and i have to claim him as my twin. theres nothing wrong with cowboys but lukes not a cowboy...i don't think hes ever touched a horse.hahaha whatever creams your twinkie i guess...
im joining the airforce....that oughtta be fun! many reasons why i should....hahaha. what do you think about that? im good for more than just yelling James....or maybe not....i guess we'll see!

2004-08-30T20:59:00.000-07:00

i've always heard the question...when you get to heaven(i guess they assumed i would...which is always good) what would you ask God? well i would ask...
was i good enough?
how many hairs are there on my head?
what are the stats on the ammount of people that accepted you? (lol)
what was your will for my life?
what was the ultimate lesson you tried teaching me in living in the situation i did?
but my first question would be....whats your story? i've read in the bible but i want to know first hand from you....i want to know everyday of your life!(i have the time :) )
i can't wait to get to heaven....yay!! not only because living here is less than pleasing but because i can't wait to see Him. EEEEKK!

2004-08-29T22:02:00.000-07:00

i think that im done with the whole blog thing because i can never leave how i really feel in my post...i always go back and change it so there's not really a point...

i found this and thought it was cool.....

YOU SAY
GOD SAYS
BIBLE VERSE(S)

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34)

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28)

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I don't have enough faith"
God says: I've given everyone a measure of faith
(Romans 12:3)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

2004-08-29T18:12:00.000-07:00

had a change of heart on the whole prayer blog thing.....so there isn't one anymore....have a good one!

2004-08-26T15:44:00.000-07:00

started a new blog for prayer....got any prayer requests or just want to join me in prayer....click the the prayer blog to the left....

Crazy...

2004-08-25T17:09:00.000-07:00

i've totally gone back and forth changing this blog more times than i can count....afraid of how much of me i should let people see...so i will leave it with this....
There are a whole lot of people who are so freakin' busy—they've so cluttered up their lives—they're at their wits' end. And if they'd only just stop for a minute, they could hear the God of the universe whisper to them, "I love you." - Mike Yaconelli
Listen....its one of the best things i can do! not the thing im best at but the best thing i can do (beside prayer). i fear doing anything else.

2004-08-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

p.s. keegan is gone....we watched him leave and drive down the highway.....literally! we were driving to get my brother from the airport and they drove right next to us the whole way....i totally have to trust God in this. i can only imagine what his life is gonna be. i told him to find a good church in montana and that i would call if i found a good one i thought he should go to....man i pray for him.....God wrap your arms around him, pertect him, become his foundation as he grows.
...this was a blog i wrote when keegan left....i trust!

2004-08-24T14:02:00.000-07:00

i registered for school today.....ugh!
Schedule:
1st-Algebra 2 -Lenderman(math=satan)<-----sorry James i speak the truth....ill bring my homework to you :)
2nd-American Government-Bussard(:-\, i just won't tell him im Luke's twin)
3rd-Study Hall -Lehman(changin it)
4th-A Cappella Choir-Stutzman(ya'ay)
5th-Drawing-Johnson(sweet)
6th-Plato Lab-Foster-Teeter (nice)
7th-College Prep English-Leininger (crap, this teacher hates me.who wants to bet i get kicked out in the first week?)
8th-LIfetime Fitness-Dilbone (what is this? are you kidding me...a weight training would have been fine?)

keegan is gone. well obviously he's gone he lives in montana. but really he's gone. the state took him away from angela. it brakes my heart. i worried about him since the day he was born because of the situation he is in....wow! im hoping that we get him. i don't know how my mom feels about this i don't think that she wants to get him but im not leavin him in fostercare. this sucks!

i won't have a life this year....i got school and school and church and thats it. ill be lucky if i get a job. crap. i need a job really bad to get out. but i don't have time i have to graduate! it'll work out!

PLAYING THE BASS ROCKS

2004-08-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

playing the bass is so much easier than playing the guitar. I love it. heather told me last night that i have a 2 week "deadline" and it made me really nervous. but playing guitar totally helped me to learn to play the bass. its a piece of cake.

2004-08-11T16:32:00.000-07:00

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer

you.

2004-08-06T23:39:00.000-07:00

(WARNING! THIS POST IS NEGATIVE AND SARCASTIC.....)
heres a perfect example. I am so incredibly sick and tired of my family and all their crap!!! i was gonna go out of town for 2 days to work with one of my mom's friends but i can't because im still grounded. i've been grounded ALL week. oh but i must have forgotten that im so out of control that my mom doesn't know what to do....are you kidding me? i go to school, work, babysit and church. every now and then ill hang out with some friends other than that NOTHING!!!!
it would be different if my parents just didn't let me have my way but thats not the case at all. they treat me like crap. like what i think and believe mean nothing, especially compared to their infinate wisdom.
i am so not having a good day!!!

reflection on fasting

2004-08-06T21:20:00.000-07:00

wow...it was hard. i did it for a number of reasons. mainly, because its one of the things that holds me from God, i feel. sometimes in the midst of everything,not a good excuse, nothin but filth comes out of it. not saying i go around cussing like a salior. saying negative things, things i shouldn't say but i allow my feelings to take hold of me. through this fast i learned and saw just by listening to others the difference that is made by words. the things that people say. i don't think that i have ever been allowed or able for that matter to listen to anyone....JUST LISTEN. in this i was forced to ONLY listen. i learned that you can see peoples trueselves by listening to what they say. "that which angers you,controls you" this is what ened my fast. (if you care to know more ask me. i have a huge reflection that i wrote and put in my bible but didn't want to bore you its kinda long...)

2004-08-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

im talking again and im grounded..... i wish i could change the way things were. But i know i can't so i pray God will...

2004-08-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

im fasting from talking...i talked to james about this a while ago and decided to do it. im not talking at all....except for when i have to....like when i work but thats it!!!
for me fasting from food doesn't mean much to me....but talking....it allows me to be who i am....to express myself. but it also allows the bad in me to come out....to gossip, to complain, to get mad and go off on someone....so this for me is awesome and crazy. it allows me to pray and it gives a real chance to do so....to keep my mind on this one thing and nothing else because i can't talk to think about something else....i love it!!! i love not talking.....
Today God has totally shown me something....(i've probably heard it somewhere im sure but...) its more important to allow God to heal me through hurt then to continue being infected. it hurts sometimes just cause its hard but also because satan knows what God is trying to do and uses people to bring me down...God is awesome!
im reading mere christianity....its great!
p.s. keegan isn't here he'll be here wednesday...

EXCITING!!!!

2004-07-30T10:08:00.000-07:00

i can't wait for the beach trip tomorrow...it's gonna be awesome...while im there im gonna write a letter to Ben.
Ben is a kid i've known forever. since kinder-grade im sure. and i haven't seen him in a really long time because we haven't been going to the same schools. well ben is in my oh-so-exciting forestry class. We had and are having a talk about God. its a very broad subject but we're hitting all the points. i have had to tell him in some places that i have to get back to him because i can't answer his question, but it only makes me want to study more and more. i get so excited sharing my faith with people. as we went through our convo people heard and came to the table and listened and people are now asking me quesitons...ITS SO EXCITING!!! im being careful about what i say and i even got out my bible and read it with a girl who has NEVER read the bible. its funny cause james told me a story about this girl that asked him about reading the bible and the girl i talked to did the same thing. shes like "you read the bible EVERYDAY?!?!?!" i laughed and said not always but yeah. shes like "so you're really into this God thing huh" This is so awesome! This is what i live for....
p.s. keegan comes tomorrow and i can't wait....he'll be waiting for me when i get home!!!

2004-07-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

this coming fall ill be teaching a small group along with an adult from our youth group. im scared. i doubt myself. and honestly its because i haven't always been a christian and even when i was a christian i have made mistakes. things i wish i could change that i can't. but people make it really hard for me to forgive myself. im so afraid that im going to go into this and somethings gonna come up and i will only be looked at as a hipocrite. i don't feel like i've been a good enough example for them to follow. i guess James thinks i can do it. if he didn't he woudn't have asked me.....im reminded of this by everyone. and i know that how i live my life now is what matters but, its just hard i guess......because people look so hard at my past.
im working on being more servent-like. sure its easy to be a servent to people i like. i love being a servent i feel its what God has called me to do, but i struggle with serving people i don't see eye to eye with. but God didn't say serve those you love or like or get along with he said serve. That includes all people.....and right now especially Tara and my family.

2004-07-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

may God forgive me for ever thinking that there is a time or place in my life where He is not to be FIRST in my life.
HE is my source of existence. HE is my savior.

*He keeps me functioning each and every day. without Him, i will be nothing. without Him, i am nothing. But, with CHRIST, HE strengthens me.*
*phil 4:13

i found this in a book i've been reading thought it was cool!

2004-07-23T09:28:00.000-07:00

i had a crappy night last night....and im having a crappy day today.....filled out about 50 applications at school and everyone is being a jerk....wish me luck....!

update of my life!

2004-07-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

my four bedroom house has been returned to a 3 bedroom. and we've added people. we now have 91/2 people. (1/2 being the baby, shes only 3 monthsold) matt and ashley i don't think are going to stay because theyre are really too many people. and jesse goes home on the 8th. so really only 61/2 people LIVE there. still its a lot.
my mom is putting her tanning room in. (thats what happened to the 4th bedroom) half of the room is the tanning and theres a wall to seperate the room in half making the other half an office.
my house is going through a lot of changes. our kitchen is being remodled too! my mom is spoiled. shes funny.....
class is actually going good. i don't really hate it. its fun in fact!
im getting a new job because im is going nowhere....FAST!!
im going to arizona soon.....im so excited!
gotta get back to class.....

Piercing....They're coming back....

2004-07-20T08:21:00.000-07:00

SLOWLY!! I pierced my nose last night....Changed the jewelry this morning....OUCH!!!
I'm in class I'm pretty much done with my project....That's cause I'm awesome....If only I would have applied myself like this all through high school!!!
work today....Then prayer. I mentioned to James that he should email people to remind them to come....Not remembering that I'm "leading" because he's at a meeting....Oh well

SCHOOL IS GREAT!!!!

2004-07-14T10:35:00.000-07:00

wow i wish i could take this class ALL year long......its wonderful....
im moving out! mainly because everyone is moving in....my house is a 3 bedroom we made it four and we have 6 people and a baby living in it....the last bedroom is an office/tanning room.....theres no room and i would love to move out!!!
p.s. im a liar!

forestry

2004-07-12T08:37:00.000-07:00

i thought i would share with all of you the amazing wisdom im getting from my forestry class....

46 percent of Oregon's 62 million acre land base is forested, and about half of those lands are managed by the federal government. The other half of Oregon's forests are non-industrial private forests, industry forests, state forests, and tribal forests.
With 28 million acres of forest lands, a land base about the size of Tennessee, there are lots of opportunities for people to visit, recreate in, and work in a forested environment!

The Oregon Department of Forestry defines "forest land" as land at least 10 percent stocked by live trees, at least an acre in size, or land formerly having such trees and not currently developed for nonforest use. "Timberland" is forest land capable of producing commercial crops of timber. Not all forest land is timberland, and the term timberland does not imply that the land is or should be used to produce commercial crops of timber.

have a great one!

2004-06-26T11:22:00.000-07:00

私は自分自身を単語のために戸惑った見つけて、神の単語は話すことをおかしいの最後の事承諾である私が聞かれるべきである必要とするが、言うことを聞くために陛下を見るために私の目を洗浄する雨のように注ぐ。まだあるためにはそしてこの場所にとどまることを許可しなさい私をいる及び神のあなたの聖地の単語の残りは話すことを知るために。私は私があなたとであるべきである神のあなたの声の単語を話すために陛下まだあることは及び知るこの場所にとどまることを許可しなさい私をいる及び神のあなたの聖地の単語の残り話すことを見るために私の目を洗浄する雨のように注ぐことを静寂が聞くi 必要とする騒音を越える音楽すべてを越えてあなたの真っ只中に自分自身を見つけている! 神の単語は陛下を見るために私の目を洗浄する雨のように注ぐ話す。まだあるためにはそしてこの場所にとどまることを許可しなさい私をいる及び神のあなたの聖地の単語の残りは話すことを知るために。私は自分自身を単語のために戸惑った見つけて、おかしい事は承諾である。神は愛である! 私は自分自身の部分と戦う、私が私が神によってがでほしいかだれであるかどうか私はと戦う。私の目的は始まるすべてを他見つけている神のために住むことであり、自分自身に焦点を合わせている神が付いている端は決して私の生命呼出しを明らかにしない。生命は神からのとの意味を成していない。
i love you all and you're in my prayers!

2004-06-26T03:00:00.000-07:00

I LOVE GOD!!!!

2004-06-26T02:55:00.000-07:00

i need to stop thinking so much!!! its not getting me anywhere i want to be. i need to stop doubting myself and go with what God has for me.....still not sure what that is.....and reading james blog today confused me A LOT!!!
i love my mom....she breaks my heart!

....

2004-06-24T23:16:00.000-07:00

i survived dinner without any emotional pain. which was both good and surprising.
ive always had an effort towards my relationship with God (obviously) but i've decided that rather than allowing myself pain adn hurt from my father because i try SO hard with my relationship with him that i would put that effort towards my relationship with God. (writting it down and reading over it makes me say...DUH!!!) i mean why suffer over this when i can give glory to God.....just a thought.
(my dad will be emailing me from iraq when he gets the chance....ill be posting them)
i took my paintings over to james to show heather because i did the one because she told me to and the other was just fun to do although i never left the stinkin thing alone. i must have painted it 7 times. anyways....i didn't bring them home....heather put them on a shelf and the other on the piano...i thought it was kinda funny....seriuosly didn't think they were good.....especially good enough to put up in the house....i hope they like em. *shrug*
im off to bed.....im babysitting tomorrow....and was up late last night.

UNSURE

2004-06-24T12:43:00.000-07:00

so i couldn't sleep last night nervous about today. but when i talked to bill and kelly i had to stay up. im singing at their 25th anniversary. (WOW!!!) and so i was up till 4 looking for "the right" song. its cool. i still haven't found the stinkin song...but i will.
im going to dinner with my uncle aunt dad and step mom. im excited and afraid at the same time. and hurt. i don't wanna not have the oppurtunity to have a relationship with my dad. when im 18 i could see him whenever i please. right now i can't. 18 is SO close. im just afraid he won't make it with me. im just trusting God and his will. i know GOd has a plan and reason for everything i go through. good or bad.

~*.....God Help ME!?!?!....*~

SanFrancisco

2004-06-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

i haven't really set aside anytime for writing about sf cause well, its just been really busy and stressful for me since i got home.
sf was amazing. the people i met i will never foget. they appreciated greatly things i would easily overlook. i enjoyed working at sj, at the salvation army sorting out clothing sizes, and working at the salvation army's kid's camp. it was great.
to sit and listen to some of their stories as 6 and 7 year olds, it broke my heart. they still ran around with smiles on their face and great attitudes. when i whine over stupid things.
one day after we were all done and finished with the kid's camp there was left overs from lunch so my group and I took them to a local park and passed them out. one of the men i gave to cried. i have never cried over a meal in my life. thats the reality of it all. its not all fine-n-dandy. This is why i want to be a missionary. i want to touch others lives in the name of God.
the last night in sf heather and james washed our feet. anyone who knows me knows that i HATE feet.... i let heather wash my feet. i looked over at theresa across the circle and i couldn't decide if her tears were tears of joy or tears of disgust. later i found it was both but mostly joy. lol. but for me it was one of the most humbling things i have encountered. it was awesome. i don't think i would ever have it done again but it was a great. God showed me a lot in those few minutes.(THANKS HEATHER!)
the last day at the kids' camp i talked to daniel. one of the "troubled" boys in the older group. i had mixed him and another boy all day long but when i finally got it right we talkde for about 1/2 hour. hes a good kid, he just allows himself to be influenced as most of us do. he told me he wanted to be a rapper. he rapped for me a song from d-12 it was great. i heard it on the radio yesturday and almost cried. and anna, she was the cutest thing i had ever seen. we played together most of the first day at the camp. she was so sweet and open to all of us. i "used" her the second day to trick aaron when i stole his money. i think leaving her was the hardest. but i think that he leaving before we did helped me a lot. juan, he was my buddy. we had a handshake. spending time with him was more than i could ask for. he was so caring yet hardly knew me. these kids were amazing! then there was isaiah, cazar (sp?), robert, domonic, monica, natalie, kyisha, donte and so many more!!!
i just wish i could have done more than hold their hand as we walked to the park, or lead them in worship during chapel which they hated, or buy them ice cream, or put a smile on their face. i wanna do more. and it breaks my heart to know that i can't.
in sf God opened my eyes up to so many things. some of which was what he wanted me to do and why its what i wanted.
God is good *clap clap clap* all the time!!!........

WORK?!?!?!?!

2004-06-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

i haven't worked at a "real" job since june of last year when i got fired from subway. i got a job at the ymca....im really only a volunteer until a job opens up or someone quits or gets themselves fired....either way. being a volunteer just means you only work 4 hours a week....its cool...

ARE YOU JOKING ME?!?!?!?!

2004-06-22T11:47:00.000-07:00

ok so i went to talk to james and heather last night....and james went over with me what he wanted me to do to lead prayer.....not exactly what i expected.....
ok so understand that if james and heather thought that i couldn't do it they wouldn't have asked me to do it but on the other hand.....i think they over-estimate me...:)
i just don't see myself as a leader....not with stuff like this...one on one im great but one on a group....not so good....
its cool God will teach me through this....(teach me that im NOT a leader in stuff like this....lol JUST KIDDING!)
im excited...yeah, yeah you could call it exitement!
....wish me luck (trust me ill need more than luck)

2004-06-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

so my sf team rocks!!they got up at the butt crack of dawn so that i would be home for my sisters rehearsal.....and i was. (my family is taking them to pizza for it....which isn't a fair trade but we thought it was a nice thing to do)
my dad and his twin, my uncle, leave the 28th of this month....I talked to my uncle about it today....we both cried...talked to my dad....i cried. that pierced my heart. he just doesn't care. it just breaks my heart that our relationship is one sided. i made him promise to come see me before he lefted, he promised. but i think it may have been a mistake because i don't know that he will keep it and i think that it will just hurt me more for him to let me down again. i don't know....i just need to learn to depend more on God to see me through.
so i haven't had my hair done all week cause i was in sf but the first time it got done it got done in a pretty up-do....FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I HAVEN"T DONE MY OWN HAIR!!!!!! it was great....
i can only see this summer getting worse and harder on me.....but God works in awesome ways.....

2004-06-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

my dad.....im angry that he lied to me my whole life. im angry because i never knew who he was. im angry because he left me empty. im angry because i won't see him before he leaves. im angry that he doesn't care. but i forgive him. i forgive for the times he let me down, for the times he proved me wrong and my mother right. i only wish i could talk to him to tell him i forgive him and most of all that i love him. im getting on with my life. im giving him to God. Ill always keep him in my prayers. and he will always be on my heart.
"Cast all your anxiety on HIm because He cares for you.....and the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
-1st Peter 5:7,10
today was good. i accidently cussed at my youth pastor and theresa. it was a type-o. whoops. i felt bad to say the least but it was pretty funny.
as of now 4 more days till we leave for sf. YAY!!!! praise God. i can't wait! but i have to.
im tired and going to bed....
p.s. im broken hearted because i was replaced by tabitha tonight when i was babysitting LJ.....never taking her to help me ever again!!!

2004-06-07T14:50:00.000-07:00

i took a personality test today for sf...talk about hard. i couldn't decide on half of it. it took me forever....but my results will help me, says james!
im going to buy a new bible today im excited! i love getting new bibles! i got new shampoo and conditioner today too. im excited!
i leave in less than a week for sf. i can't wait!!! how exciting. i made up the new game and its hard. they're never gonna figure it out. haha
im having a pretty good day. my mom is upset and of course taking it out on all the wrong people. but i can understand where shes coming from....kinda.
my schedule for this summer is crazy.....
i leave june 13th for sf, i return the 19th. and leave straight for my sisters rehearsal. get up the next morning for her wedding. im singiing and very nervous. then i leave on the 26th for jr high camp. im gonna be a counselor which im very excited for! i return the 3rd of july. and then its the 4th which im sure my family has a huge party planned. then i start my forestry class on the 6th. i go five days a week from 8-12 for 6 weeks. it ends august 13th. i get a whole credit for school and $700. but i miss sr mayfield....which im WAY bummed about. and i am not a member, volenteer, and soon an employee of the albany ymca. i turned in my application a week after they filled the summer jobs. but rob told me that being a volenteer will more likely get me the job than just sitting around waiting for it. and it will help me get used to the job i will have. somewhere in this crazy schedule im taking sr pics. im also very excited for this. every tuesday we have prayer at 1. and we have sr high "traffic" on wed. and sometime this summer we're making trips to the coast, which will be awesome!
this summer is full but very exciting.
my dad leaves june 15th.....i pray for this. not that he leaves but that its all said and done before he does so. i love him and i want him to be a part of my life.
im not skipping school for the rest of the year. well i never skip school. im a great student. and from now on ill be attending First Assembly.....

2004-06-06T22:51:00.000-07:00

so i had a really bad day!! to say the least. im really just not feeling well. so i got yelled at before i left my house and went to theresas. then i went to the meeting at the carmichaels and my mom calls me...not too happy. but im confused as to why. she tells me im never home. im home shes just busy when i am. and she has to understand that its hard for me to be home, its something im trying to work on but i really struggle with it. johnny hates that im not home when he is and he feels like i try not to be (which is kinda trure and i feel bad) home but i feel like everytime i am hes yelling at me or complaining about something. or he wants to talk about my dad. and hes the last person i want to talk about my dad to because hes kinda filling in that spot and i just don't like it. im just really stuggling with johnny right now and i really am trying!!
i've been getting sick again lately and its killing me. im sick because im stressed and being sick makes me stress....its just a big circle. i know God is teaching me in all of this....i just wish i could be taught in some other way and not stuff with my family and what not....(i don't think im being taught through my sickness....maybe i am i dont know)
im so excited to leave for sf...not only cause its a break but im gonna learn so much and see God work. this is gonna be awesome! i can't wait....im leaving tomorrow and meeting everyone down there....just kidding!
as much as i would love to sit and continue to write about whats going on theres too much and im tired....and have school in the morning....surprise surprise im going! :)

2004-06-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

i've never really had a relationship with my father. its always been a priority to me but not to my mother...and i've recently discovered not to him either.
i was there when he needed me. when he was going through a divorce with carrie....i was there. whenever he was feeling down and needed prayer....i was there.
hes leaving for Iraq June 15th. he has his shots and everything. he denys it to me and luke. he says everyone is lying to us. we called his station...hes leaving. i don't understand why hes lying. why he wouldn't want to spend time with us before he left. does he care? does he want to have a relationship with us like he says? or is he just too busy with his "other" family that he doesn't have time for us so he wants it to seem like it was a last minute thing and he didn't have time to spend time with us before he left? i gues i just don't understand why he doesn't care. why his attitude has changed all of a sudden. why doesn't he call? why doesn't he return my calls? why doesn't he love me? and if he does why doesn't he show it? i have anger towards him just because he knows i need him. that i want him to be a part of my life...but he chooses not to be. but more than anger i have hurt. i have always stuck up for him against my mom. always. and he only proved her right. made my relationship with my mother suffer because i wanted one with him when he only let me down time and time again. it kills me. i stand firm on the fact that God will never let me down....but its hard. its hard knowing he lives ten minutes away, passes my house everyday and never stops or calls...it kills me. i miss my daddy...

2004-06-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

disappointed...

2004-06-05T22:07:00.000-07:00

so i was feelin good until my pastor informed me that i owe him $3 for insults! I HATE THIS GAME!!! i have an attitude and im working on it....by the time im done ill be in debt.
i saw my old youth pastor a couple days ago and talked to him because i might be getting a job at his work. we set up an interview.
i miss Rob and i loved the impact he made on our group. the things he taught us were awesome. he was a huge part of our group. but when he left it made me realize that it wasn't all for GOd. i didn't like peoples reactions. im not commited to Rob im commited to my church and God and i support the decisions they make. I believe in the work of God. i dont' know i guess my feelings are very different from other people. i just want Gods will for my life. whatever that may be. and right now its sacc and sf. and thats what im doing.
Im so excited to see God work in our group. i love that he brought us heather and james (i know james will read this and im not sucking up...) i love that heather is involved too! i love that they are always there for me. i love that i can see the passion that james has for our youth and i love that he wants to change our group! we need it! i pray for Him.
im so excited for sf. i am however, afraid of screwing up. i have this thing where i'm never good enough that i always screw up so i just have to completely trust God and i do but i feel that somehow its gonna go wrong....i dont' know i need to suck it up and just go!
~*May the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace!*~
Numbers 6:26
p.s. keegan is gone....we watched him leave and drive down the highway.....literally! we were driving to get my brother from the airport and they drove right next to us the whole way....i totally have to trust God in this. i can only imagine what his life is gonna be. i told him to find a good church in montana and that i would call if i found a good one i thought he should go to....man i pray for him.....
God wrap your arms around him, pertect him, become his foundation as he grows.

almost there....

2004-06-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

there are only 4 1/2 school days left! and 9 days till sanfrancisco! How awesome is that!?!?!?!
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT...
there 3 kinds of people in this world.....people that can count and people that can't
why is lemonade made with artificial flavoring but dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
why do they call it lipSTICK?
why is a the box for a pizza square when the pizza is round?
why is a boxing ring sqare?
can you shed a tear under water?
why is the place you drive called a parkway and the place you park called a drive way?
why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
i work so i can eat....im a christian so i can live. -p.james

today was good! i went through our "walk through" for SF with theresa...God showed me awesome things....YAY GOD!

(todays post was kinda random but thats kinda how i feel....)

never so excited!

2004-06-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

My youth pastor, James Carmichael is the best of any in our town.
We've(and by we've i mean James he planned everything we just follow directions)planned a trip to Sanfrancisco in June! I am so excited to see God work! We are taking 10 kids from our youth group, totally diverse yet alike! This trip is going to be like non-other i have ever been on, not only because its with a different group and different leader but in a different mindset.
God has changed me in more ways than i can understand. I can look at life with a whole new understanding and appreciation. In every trial i face i grow stronger in Him. I may not understand all the things i face in my life but i can be sure that God will use even the worst situations for His glory. He will use my weaknesses as His strength!
God has become my firm foundation on which i stand.